Dating Online – what happened

Well, its been more than two years since I posted my latest blog – Dating Online.  Actually I just noticed that I hadn’t postet it then (in sept. 2011) so I just published it now, March 2014. I guess one of the reasons I haven’t had time to write is because I found a wonderful man on this last time around the date-site circus. I won’t bore you with the whole preamble, but the clincher was, that I was brave enough – and clear-headed enough, to say that I liked his kiss.  I was also much better at assessing my own feelings and thoughts. I was rational.  Because I am not a hormone-driven 25 year old still looking for the elusive Mr. He-who-will-fullfill-my-every-dream”  But still, its an exciting ride to meet a new guy. Get the first kisses over, have nice adult fun, talk about infidelity, love (how do we use that word – also a good talk) In fact, the first many dates we ended up looking at the clock at 2 am – where did the time go? By the way, all this happened in October 2011.

So, I have been busy the last 2½ years seeing the world thru two sets of eyes, my own and his. And being amazed at how differently the world seems, when seen in the double-vision. My new boyfriend (whom I probably never will live with) is quite different than I. But bottom line, we agree on the fundamentals: we want fun, experiences, sex, travel and other people.  Where I am quick, he is slow. Where he is easy, I am complicated.  Where I am well-educated, he is home-grown. So we are the perfect match, as an 50-some couple.

We just came back to Denmark after the third holiday abroad this year. When we travel, we are totally together, alle the time.  This is quite novel for us because he lives in South and I live 350 km away -in North. This last trip we visited my daughter in rural Kenya for 14 days.

Every time we are together, we learn new things. About ourselves, about the world and about us as a couple.  Still we like each other – incredible!!🙂IMG_3823

Dating online?

25 september 2011

The Autumn is closing in on us, the days shortening and the skies even more blue against the yellows and browns of the trees and bushes around me. The feeling of emptyness and loniness looms above me, threatening to blossom into a small depression.

Quickly, shake my head – put on my shoes and go for a walk with the dog. Look at how there is always something going on somewhere. Ripe berries pulling tree branches towards the ground, the wind blowing thru fields of faded thistles and other dying sommer vegetation.

But the feeling of lonliness and emptyness grows even more – now I really need an arm to hold, a another person with whom to comment on the birds gathering in huge groups above us, to fly south – the spectacle that nature is in Autumn – I just need to share it, quietly, gratefully, with a loved one. Mayby my mother will do??

No… okay… So I posted a(nother) ad on a date site…  I both love it and hate it. I write what I feel, and then realize that that is WAY TO MUCH… edit, and find out I have WRITTEN WAY TOO LITTLE…. oh well…. search thru the ads for men my age – anywhere in the country – maybe even outside the country??  This has taken my mind off my lonliness and emptyness for a whole hour now. In fact, it has been quite fun. And there are many nice looking and nice sounding men out there…..

The crunch comes when I have to meet them, listen to them, smile and try to be natural, but not toooooo natural. Best behaviour??  Jeeeeez –  I do realize that about 95% of all the feelings and impressions I get when online dating are FANTASIES – my own, the the ones of the guys answering. How can i EVER hope to being positively surprised upon meeting a guy, when he has to live up to a FANTASY?  AND me too!!

I remember once, I had written with this guy for a few months before meeting him. He loved to dance (so do I), music (me too), meeting new people (me three) —  duh!!   He love Ballroom dansing (I love rock, soul, street-dancing) he loves easy listening or country pop (I am passionate about and educated in music) and meeting new people for him meant new people that looked like him and thought like him. I love meeting NEW people, from different cultures and exploring our differences and common values….

Needless to say?  Quite a fiasco – but also quitte a learning experience. The words we hear, become translated into what we WANT to hear, the discriptions we hear, play right into our dreams and fantasies.

What to do then. Be accurate about yourself, be truthfull rather than trying to “improve” on your stats. I realize I don’t get as many “hits” when writing I am 54, overweight and quite a bitch at times  – but…you never know – that one guy who believes in truth more than fantasy, might be there!!  Remember to write nice things about yourself too, tho – otherwise what man will respond, think about it, it THAT the kind of guy you want??

Age – is it just a number?

I just came home from dinner at my “Ladies Club”. We – ten wonderful women, meet 3-4 times a year for an evening of dinner and drinks, laughing and singing. I am 15 years older than the rest. We met at college, where most of us studied education and are now teachers.

Its fun to hear them talking about their wrinkles, their kids and their husbands – Hearing this,  I am feeling younger than them. Cause 15 years ago, when I was their age, and had new wrinkles, man and kids – I didn’t talk about that… because they were only 22 and that wasn’t a fun topic for them. I giggle a little at that.

Now I see that age is NOT just a number for most people. At 22 you party and study (most people) at 38 you focus on kids and homes and new wrinkles.  But I am still one ahead – never having talked about wrinkles or my own kids – and now my wrinkles are deeper, but not as scary as the FIRST wrinkles… my kids are both away at college, and I am living a free single life with dog, cat, great job and all the time is my own. So at 55 I am meditating, playing and writing my own music, hey – writing a blog – doing volunteer work for the neighborhood… Or spending the whole weekend watching sit coms….

Age, it IS actually just a number for some people… for others, its a guideline for how to live their lives. Interesting.

Peace!

Dogs and owners

When walking my dog, Sweetie, this morning, I noticed this beautiful, yellow, flat-coated, male retriever taking a poop along the bicycle path where people walk their dogs.  In our neighborhood it is good manners (and actually the rules) to pick up your dog’s poop on this path.

Of course, the owner, a young woman, speaking on the phone while her dog was doing his thing, didn’t do HER thing, and pick up after him….  This of course irked me, cause It’s not the poop (it was nicely laid in the grass next to the path) but the lack of responsibility. When living thousands of people and dogs, in the same housing area, dog fights and scirmishes happen. And you have to “read” the dogs and their owners when you meet them… I “read” this dog, as having an irresponsible owner, which made me afraid that maybe this beautiful dog could be aggressive? Or crazy or sick.

In the country where I live, a law has been passed stating that many breeds of dogs have to wear a muzzle to prevent them from biting. When I see a dog with a muzzle, it really looks scary. And even if the owner and the dog look really sweet and nice, I never go over to them, cause of this ugly muzzle, making the dog look like a mass murderer – and the poor animal, just cause of his breed, never gets contact with other non-muzzled dogs.

Again its the owner’s lack of responsibility – and not the dog – that gives the dog the bad reputation and resulted in this gross law. Too bad. It saddens me cause dogs are playful, happy, and trusting and it hurts when their owners don’t really care about them.

Lets not even get into child-rearing!!

Have a great weekend.  I will  be trying to cut my lawn, where the grass is about 30 cm hight now.

A Brand New Sunday

Aaah. Autumn. A brand new Sunday promising a great new week.  I heard from my wayward son, who causes me so many thoughts and worries. Does make me appeciate the complexities of being female….

But thats not this day’s topic.  Today I want to thank the SUN (not son) for shining through a cloud-ridden sky and making this first Sunday in September beautiful and promising an Indian Summer.

My neighboor just came by and invited me and my dog Sweetie, over for toast and coffee. I should still have time for weeding the garden and washing the last week’s dishes. Getting my chores over with makes me feel ready for a new week. During the week I just do whatever I feel like. Go to work and the rest is play….  I can choose to do whatever I want, be with whomever I choose… (hmmm sounds a bit like a song text)

I am gonna put on my new bumper-sticker, brought home from Haight-Ashbury, S.F. It’s really hippie – and will show my affiliation with this breed of people. A great pic of John Lennon and the words “Give Peace a Chance” in bright green!! haha – probably the only car in Denmark with this sticker!!

Have a Great Day!

Motherhood and burned fish cakes

Discussions and worries fill my mind. Not even my own worries. They are on my son’s part… What a waste of time, still I obsess about his lack of organisation, of communication and his “happy go lucky” attitude to serious challanges. Standing outside my mind, I can see that my “motherhood-role” is manipulating my “grown-up woman-with- independent-thoughts-role”….. and I ended up burning the fish cakes I was frying, and looking forward to enjoying for dinner.